Friendship #FridayFunny

Super Mum #FridayFunny

Clear Conscience #FridayQuotes

Mr Right #FridayQuotes

Two Evils #FridayQuotes

Super Mum

Diary Entry ... loving a good old email joke

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. ________________________________ MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! ________________________________ TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me. _______________________________ WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too. _______________________________ THURSDAY: Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank. _________________________________ FRIDAY: I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? ________________________________ SATURDAY: Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.. ________________________________ SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!! Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh

Country Girls

I've been out of service a lot of late and when I get back in the last things I have time to do is blog. 
Life is a little crazy in my world and will be for a while yet

Take care until next time I pop in.  Got a few memes lined up to share 
:)

13 Things To Remember When Sitting In The Middle Of NOWHERE

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two 

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..


2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.


3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.


6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.


8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.


9. Maybe we are suppose to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.


10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.


12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.


13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you! least expect them to.

Found online 

WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

Found this in my email jokes folder from years ago...felt like last weekend :)


WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............
 
1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.
 
2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

 
3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.
 
4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO
 
5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
 
6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.

 
8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.
 
9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.
 
10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)
 
11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.
 
12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.
 
SEND THIS ALONG TO ALL THE GIRLS YOU KNOW WHO LIKE TO HAVE FUN. MAKE  THEM LAUGH AT THEMSELVES LIKE YOU PROBABLY DID....SADLY, MANY ARE TRUE!!
 
 
 
 You've been hit by the
 
 |^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| ||
 |...BEER TRUCK..........| ||'|";, ___.
 |_..._..._______===|=||_|__|..., ] -
 "(@)'(@)"""''"**|(@)(@)*****''(@)
 
ONCE YOU'VE BEEN HIT,

YOU HAVE TO HIT 12 ALCOHOLICS, INCLUDING WHO SENT IT TO U

 IF YOU GET HIT AGAIN YOU'LL KNOW YOU REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM!

HIT WHO EVER YOU THINK IS AN ALCOHOLIC, OR JUST ENJOYS A GOOD TIME!

SMILE and act like nothing is wrong

Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest...

I have been offline for most of August for one reason or another ... with some help from picmonkey I have started making my own memes using gorgeous outback pictures from my own stack and my friends.  Been adding some of my favourite quotes.

It is very theraputic when I'm feeling stressed :)

How is your month?  Got any great events coming up?  

I have recently caught up with a whole lot of mates and loved it.  The quote above reminds of them and to keep those you want in your life close.

FRIENDSHIP requires effort and is a a two way street.  Always try to give more than you get.

When STUPIDITY stikes ... Thanks JB

This is the funniest and best article I have come across. I salute :)

What is even more amusing is the comments below where someone starts blaming AMERICA.

When stupidity strikes blame the weatherman

What is your favourite weather site or app?

I love being an AUSSIE

Please don't drink or eat while reading.  I also recommend going to the toilet first.  Maybe even going to get a tissue to dry the tears of laughter.  

I love being an AUSSIE

Farming parodies

Has anybody been watching all the farming music parodies cruising around all the social media.

I love the fact that in our Year of The Farmer farming is hitting the front.
Fiona Lake has wrote an interesting article on the Peterson Farm Brothers utube sensation I'm farming and I grow it
The Peterson Farm Brothers also have released the Farm Slam Poem on Itunes,  be interesting to see hour much money they earn off this.
Also check out this Dairy Farm song by Lil Fred called Farm It Maybe

I don't know if we are bridging the city-country divide but everyone is being entertained and that will bring people together.

A mate sent a picture of her swag the other morning,

would you like to camp out with that much ice on top?

What are those thingymajigs called...MEMEs

I came across this picture months ago. I'd seen and shared the one about jillaroos but had no idea what they were.

Are you ready peoples... they are called... MEMEs

I have found some which I hope interests you on homeschooling, teachers, education bloggers, stay at home mums and lastly what I do when I get home from work.

Two homeschooloing memes which really are not quite right... Do you think you could make one for Home Tutors. I would love a copy to share on my facebook page.

I loved this one and thought it should say HOME TUTOR

To all those Distance Ed. Mum's a tribute

Since I started blogging, is this me? I like what I pretend to do.

I love the preschool teacher meme. Our preschool teacher is always commenting on the fact the principal thinks all she does is paint. If only she new the ours of work and planning for educational activities.

LASTLY my favourite .... exercise, shower and work V food, facebook and sleep

That's All Folks

20 Types of Facebook Friends

I found this online and loved it.  

What types are you?

Depending on how I am feeling I am number 2, 10 and 20.

20 TYPES OF Facebook Friends

 1) The "Rooster" – Feels that it is their job to tell Facebook "Good Morning" every day

 2) The "Lurker" or "Creeper" – Never posts or comments on your post, but reads everything, and makes reference to your status when they see you in public. You sometimes forget they are even ON Facebook because you never see anything from them.

 3) The "Hyena" – Doesn't ever really say anything, just LOLs, LMAOs and ROFLMAOs at everything.

 4) "Mr/Ms Popular" – Has 4,367 friends for NO reason. Says it's for playing games.

 5) The "Gamer" – Plays Words With Friends, Farmville, Mafia Wars, Scrabble, Bakes virtual cakes and stuff, sends you virtual flowers, etc., ALL DAY LONG. Most likely while on the clock at work.

 6) The "Cynic" – Hates their job, their life, and everything in it, as evidenced by the somber tone in ALL of their status updates. Never seems to be happy.

 7) The "Collector" – Never posts anything either, but joins every group and becomes fans of the most random stuff.

 8) The "Promoter" – Always sends event invitations to things that you ultimately delete or ignore.

 9) The "Preacher" - Quotes more bible verses than the Sunday sermon. Probably doesn't even go to church. 

 10) The "Liker" – Never actually says anything, but always clicks the "like" button

 11) "Drama Queen/ King" – This person always posts stuff like "I can't believe this!", or "They gonna make me snap today!", in the hopes that you will ask what happened, or what's wrong...but then they never finish telling the story.

 12) The "Updater" – Always updates you on what they are doing and who they are doing it with, no matter how arbitrary and meaningless. Go wash that laundry now. 13) The "Next Gordon Ramsay"-Always posts picture of food they have cooked, no matter how disgusting it may look. When out to dinner, posts pictures of food, drink and from time to time even pictures of the waitress and dishwasher.

 14) The "Biggest Loser"-Lets you know everytime they are at the gym or going for a run.

 15) The "Pet Rescuer" - Wants you to adopt 35 pets this week. 

 16) The "Night Owl" -  Has to say "Good Night Facebook, Sweet Dreams" 

 17) The "News Anchor" - Because nobody has access to a TV or a radio, so they need to update everyone what famous person just died, what the weather is like and what the Iranians did today. 

 18) The "Professional Photographer" - Keeps the screen filled with photos of sunrises, sunsets and snowstorms.

19) The "Last Comic Standing" -  Tries to bust your balls and be funny on every post you make. Most the time, unsuccessfully.

 20) The "Thief" –  Steals status updates... and will probably steal this one.

For those of us over 30.....time to feel appreciated

Another Forward... email clean out time at the moment :) The thing about emails like this is they can't help but go over the top :)

For those of you who haven't got to 30 yet.....something to look forward to

For those of us over 30.....time to feel appreciated


THIS HAS BEEN WRITTEN BY A MAN.

This is for all you girls 30 years and over... and for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's. AND for guys who are scared of girls over 30!

This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes. Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

• A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.  ·          

• If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it! She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting. ·          

• A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. 

• Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing. ·          

• Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it. ·          

• Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. ·          

• A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.  ·          

• Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her. ·          

• Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know. ·          

• A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. ·         Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her  younger counterpart. ·          

• Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. 

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. 

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. 

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.  

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". 

Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? 

 Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire PIG, just to get a little sausage.