Diary Entry ... loving a good old email joke

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. ________________________________ MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! ________________________________ TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me. _______________________________ WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too. _______________________________ THURSDAY: Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank. _________________________________ FRIDAY: I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? ________________________________ SATURDAY: Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.. ________________________________ SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!! Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh

Chocolate Cake

(great for Bday cake.  Very moist)

½ cup cocoa

½ cup boiling water

2 ½ cup plain flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

4 oz butter

1 ½ cup sugar

2 eggs

1 cup sour milk ( add 1 tspn vinegar to milk)

1 tspn bi carb soda

1 tspn vanilla

In a jug mix cocoa, boiling water and cool.

Bowl 1

Cream butter, sugar and vanilla.

add eggs one at a time.

Add cocoa mixture.

In a jug mix sour milk and bi carb.

In another bowl mix flour and baking powder.

Ad flour and milk mixtures alternately to BOWL 1.

Let stand for 10 minutes.

Pour into a large greased tin and cook in moderate oven for 45 minutes.

Country Girls

I've been out of service a lot of late and when I get back in the last things I have time to do is blog. 
Life is a little crazy in my world and will be for a while yet

Take care until next time I pop in.  Got a few memes lined up to share 
:)

13 Things To Remember When Sitting In The Middle Of NOWHERE

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two 

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..


2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.


3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.


6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.


8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.


9. Maybe we are suppose to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.


10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.


12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.


13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you! least expect them to.

Found online 

WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

Found this in my email jokes folder from years ago...felt like last weekend :)


WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............
 
1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.
 
2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

 
3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.
 
4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO
 
5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
 
6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.

 
8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.
 
9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.
 
10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)
 
11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.
 
12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.
 
SEND THIS ALONG TO ALL THE GIRLS YOU KNOW WHO LIKE TO HAVE FUN. MAKE  THEM LAUGH AT THEMSELVES LIKE YOU PROBABLY DID....SADLY, MANY ARE TRUE!!
 
 
 
 You've been hit by the
 
 |^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| ||
 |...BEER TRUCK..........| ||'|";, ___.
 |_..._..._______===|=||_|__|..., ] -
 "(@)'(@)"""''"**|(@)(@)*****''(@)
 
ONCE YOU'VE BEEN HIT,

YOU HAVE TO HIT 12 ALCOHOLICS, INCLUDING WHO SENT IT TO U

 IF YOU GET HIT AGAIN YOU'LL KNOW YOU REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM!

HIT WHO EVER YOU THINK IS AN ALCOHOLIC, OR JUST ENJOYS A GOOD TIME!

SMILE and act like nothing is wrong

SMOKO TIME --- Malt Slice

Mum’s Malt Slice

1 packet of Malt biscuits (may need more depending on tin size)

1 tin condensed milk

3 oz melted copha

2 cups coconut

1 teaspoon Vanilla essence

1. Line tin with biscuits (half of pack)

2. Melt copha

3. Mix all ingredients except biscuits together.

4. Pour mixture over biscuits

5. Cover with leftover biscuits

Put in the fridge to set.